#vtw2_7
Canada and India are two countries that are completely opposite to each other, not only in their geographical location but also the vivid differences in everything. They are literally poles apart – இரு துருவங்கள்.
When someone passes away in India, there is mourning for 14 days in almost all communities. People continuously visit the house of the dead, inquiring about the incident, showing their concern and support to the people left behind by the dead. Though on one side there is celebration of the life of that person while on the other there is crying and drama (for an outsider), reciting of the life of this person (ஒப்பாரி) who is dead. The place is highly charges with emotions. The kith and kin of the dead person are not ashamed to show their feelings and tears. They cry and cry and eventually get to terms with the death, in the family – whether it is that of someone old or young.
When I arrived in Canada, a two score years ago, I noticed that people are not that emotional – or at least this was my initial understanding. It took me a while to grasp that people here, mourn and grieve in loneliness. Though they put up a stoic face in the presence of all around them, during the funeral, welcoming everyone with a hug and smile, they grieve on their own, when no one is seeing their tears. They bottle-up their feelings to present that brave face.
Having lived in both the cultures, it is my conclusion that it is better to just let go of the emotions, so that one can move on. When one does not show their sentiments, it can lead to mental stress and other related disorders.
While there is a great support system in India, am sure people that have lived in the west would agree that most of the times, it goes overboard – as the proverb goes, anything in abundance can be poisonous. Everyone interferes with everything in your life. They are so interested in knowing what happens in your life, where you work, what your designation is; some even blatantly ask how much you make for a living. Most of the time it feels that you are living your life based on how others want you to live. It is always what your near and far want you to do – be it your relatives, friends, workspace. There is a perpetual feeling of suffocation, as you are being judged constantly and you are expected to live up to everyone’s expectations.
Landing in Canada, it would be untrue if I did not say that, the first thing I enjoyed was the sense of complete freedom, being able to have my space. Yes, here you have your personal space. This space is there in any relationship – be it parents and kids or with friends or at work. Everyone respects this space and is cautious of not getting into it. Sometimes this space is maintained to the extent that it feels that people don’t care about anyone else, except themselves – there is a WIIFM (What’s In IT For Me) in everything.
However, that is not true – if someone is in danger, they do stand up, even in the day-to-day lives; there are the everyday heroes. Like the young man who recently stood up to protect a young Muslim girl in the public transport when she was assaulted or that random bus driver that came to help me when I met with an accident a few years ago. Each one of us can certainly relate to a number of instances where we see these everyday HEROES.
Detached Attachment – the concept, where you are into everything, without overpowering anything. People are listening and are willing to help as and when required, without expecting anything return; giving everyone the time and space; making it an ideal.
The two poles, east and west, India and Canada – certainly with a lot of differences, but the one thing that is common, that is interwoven in the day-to-day reality, be it the support or the random acts of kindness, is HUMANITY, to which this world owes its existence to – India or Canada!
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And now a portion in Tamil…
இந்தியாவில், யாரேனும் இறந்தால் அவர்களது நெருங்கிய உறவினர் 14 நாட்களேனும் துயரம் கொண்டாடுவர் இது எல்லா ஜாதி மதத்தை சேர்ந்தவரும் பொதுவாக கடைப்பிடிப்பார். அந்த 14 நாட்களும் நண்பர்கள் மற்றும் உறவினர்கள் இறந்தவரின் வீட்டிற்குச்சென்று எல்லோருக்கும் ஆறுதலாக பேசுவார்கள். ஒருபுறம் இறந்தவரின் வாழ்க்கையை புகழ்ந்து பேசினால் மறுபுறம் ஒப்பாரியும் வைப்பார். இழவு நடந்த வீடே உணர்ச்சிகளின் உட்சத்தில் இருக்கும். உற்றார் உறவினர் துயரத்தை வெளிப்படுத்த தயங்கமாட்டார். அழுது புலம்பி, தங்களது மனதை திடப்படுத்தி, தயரத்திலிருந்து மீண்டு வருவர்.
கனடாவில் வாழும் மக்களுக்கு உணர்வுகளே இல்லை – இதுதான் எனது முதல் கணிப்பு. சில வருடங்கள் கழிந்த பிறகு, இவர்கள் இங்கு தனித்தே தங்களது துயரத்தை எதிர்கொள்கின்றனர் என்றுணர்ந்தேன். பொது இடத்தில் மன வலிமையை காட்டினாலும், தங்கள் கண்ணீரை தனிமையில் உதிர்க்கின்றனர்.
இரு கலாச்சாரத்திலும் இருந்தமையால், எல்லோரும் தமது உணர்ச்சிகளை வெளிப்படுத்த வேண்டும் என்றே கூறுவேன். அதுவும் துயரத்தை மூடிவைத்தால் மற்ற மனச்சம்பந்த விளைவுகளை எதிர்கொள்ள நேரிடும்.