Tamizh 2.0: 15 I, Bharathi (சித்திரையில் பாரதியாம் எமது செய்தி)

I, Bharathi… Though it has been almost a century, since I shed my physical body, my sprit has been in this world, live though my works and the few that still believe in my dreams. Many things have changed in this world – too many wars and fights around the world that has strewn apart many lives; breaking up of empires; medical revolution, technological revolution and now the artificial intelligence. The world today is certainly not what it was a hundred years ago.

Today, in this month of Chithirai in the year Hevilimbi, I look back at these pages of history to see what happened to my dreams – alas, some are still mere, elusive. Particularly, my dream for women’s liberation and emancipation is still a dream.

As a proud feminist of my times, I have fought for the rights of women; for women to be able to stand up for her own self. I wanted women to have the freedom to study and be an equal to man, in every walk of life, at a time when male chauvinism was at its height. I imagined the modern woman to be the one that would walk upright with her head held high and with no fear of anyone; for she does not falter as she would possess great wisdom.

நிமிர்ந்த நன்னடை நேர்கொண்ட பார்வையும்,
நிலத்தில் யார்க்கும் அஞ்சாத நெறிகளும்,
திமிர்ந்த ஞானச் செருக்கும் இருப்பதால்
செம்மை மாதர் திறம்புவ தில்லையாம்;

Is today’s modern woman an epitome of this dream? Though there is progress, it is very disheartening to say NO, for most part of it. She is still objectified and considered a “product” for man’s amusement; the morals and ethics being constantly crumbled; strangling her without any physical wounds. I would say, the following about the plight of today’s women

கூனிக்குறுகிய நடை அச்சம் கொண்ட பார்வையும்
பற்பல இன்னல்களால் கொலையுறும் நெறிகளும்
திமிர்ந்த ஞானச் செருக்கை உடைப்பதால்
செம்மை மாதர் இன்றும் சோர்ந்து மாண்டனராம்;

In Panchali Sabadam, I described the plight of Draupadhi, when the son of Dharma, Yudhishtiran, used her as s pawn and lost her in a game of dice. How she was dragged by her hair by the villainous Duchasanan and brought to the majestic court of Hastinapuram. This was where she was disrobed, in the presence of elders and scholars; when all witnesses turned a blind eye. She lifted up her arms and cried out to Lord Krishna to help her. At least she had Lord Krishna to rescue her, from that humiliation. That was eons ago, in the era of Mahabharata.

It is unfortunate that even today many women are used as mere pawns for a man’s gain. Woman, who is considered “Shakthi”, is still crying out for help. And unfortunately, there is no Krishna to help her today. I am sad that the situation for women has not improved that much at all and she is still being an object of desire and sex, even though we are in the 21st Century. In fact, there are more demons that attack women young and old alike; they have not spared even little innocent girls, from their monstrous carnal desires; shattering many lives. How pathetic the situation is today!

I wanted everyone, particularly the women, to be free and feel no fear in whatever they do – face any adversity with her head held high. I wanted everyone’s slogan to be

அச்சமில்லை அச்சமில்லை அச்சமென்பதில்லையே.
உச்சிமீது வானிடிந்து வீழுகின்ற போதினும்,
அச்சமில்லை அச்சமில்லை அச்சமென்பதில்லையே.

However, today looking at this degraded society, I would say

அச்சமுண்டு அச்சமுண்டு துணிவெண்பது இல்லையே
இளம் தென்றல் வீசும்போதும், இலை கொடிகள் அசையும்போதும்
அச்சமுண்டு துணிவில்லை, அச்சம் மட்டும் உள்ளதே

Women, the Shakthi, one who brings this man to the world, is still crying out loud, running amok to protect herself from the ruthless world. In this struggle, so many of them are lost, no matter where in the world they are – the unfortunate, lost souls.

When will my Panchali rise again? To have her wow – to destroy all men that consider her, mere toy for all their pleasure; for she is not an object. She is full of life too! Though I wrote the following keeping in mind the independence of India, this seems to be very apt for today’s woman, for she is still bound in the shackles adorned by men.

என்று தணியும் இந்த சுதந்திர தாகம்?
என்று மடியும் எங்கள் அடிமையின் மோகம்?
என்றெமது அன்னை கை விலங்குகள் போகும்?
என்றெமது இன்னல்கள் தீர்ந்து பொய்யாகும்?

I asked for equality for all when I said there were no castes or creed to the little girl in “ஓடி விளையாடு பாப்பா”. In முரசு, I clearly stated that even if our colour differs, we are all still made of flesh and blood with emotions and feelings –

வண்ணங்கள் வேற்றுமைப் பட்டால்-அதில்
மானுடர் வேற்றுமை யில்லை,
எண்ணங்கள செய்கைக ளெல்லாம்-இங்கு
யாவர்க்கும் ஒன்றெனல் காணீர்.

This continues to be an evanescent dream, even though the world has shrunk today and has become a global village. Unfortunately, the division is still there, may be even more in the global village. Even in the developed nations I see this division, based on colour and the race and the undercurrents that play in each interaction.

Siva Shakthi, why did you create this beautiful world and throw in so much of evil? The Evil, in people, their minds and deeds. Why did you create me with the greatest emotional intelligence, made me fight for the betterment of woman and this community? I knew my thinking was way too ahead for my time. Even after a hundred years I can see that I am still way ahead in great thoughts, in today’s world.

நல்லதோர் வீணைசெய்தே-அதை
நலங்கெடப் புழுதியில் எறிவதுண்டோ?
சொல்லடி, சிவசக்தி;-எனைச்
சுடர்மிகும் அறிவுடன் படைத்துவிட்டாய்,
வல்லமை தாராயோ,-இந்த
மாநிலம் பயனுற வாழ்வதற்கே?

Did I ask a lot, more than what was needed in my Century or the centuries to come, when I asked for equality between men and women? In a country where woman is revered as goddesses, how come the common woman is mistreated? Even in the so-called developed nations, many women would vouch for the many times they have been objectified.

ஆணும் பெண்ணும் நிகரெனக் கொள்வதால்
அறிவி லோங்கி, இவ் வையம் தழைக்குமாம்;

Why is it difficult for a man to let a women be herself? Why does he always try to subdue her? Why isn’t the woman, the provider given her space and place? How come she is still left struggling? With the centuries changing, the challenges faced by women have actually not stopped; it has just taken another ugly form. When will all this alter and women be at par with men and treated with respect and dignity by one and all?

The developed nations, where women are considered to be equal with men and compete with them in the work force, it is sad that women are paid about 12% less than what a man is paid for the same job. Why is there this disparity?

In this 21st Century, Malala Yousezai from Pakistan is shot, all because she wanted to study. Shakila Zareen, the teen bride from Afghanistan, was shot by her husband in her face, just because (for no reason) he felt like. She escapes from her husband, goes into hiding in India and finally arrives in Canada to start a new life. These are the strong women, the new women, who have come out of adverse situations with their heads held high, and are now striving for the liberation of other women.

It is very disheartening to see the developed nations having women shelters that provide shelter and support for women that flee from domestic violence and abuse.

However, amidst all this commotion and violence, I do see the many unknown faces and hearts that cry out for these unfortunate women. People that welcome these souls with open hearts and arms. The people, both the feminist men and women that strive for the betterment of all women for they know that there can be redemption only if we started treating woman as an equal and with respect. Woman is the nature’s force of nourishment and is the preserver. She is the Shakthi, the power and wisdom, one who stand as a rock, a school to this mankind. In today’s world, she is the one with the highest emotional quotient.

அக்கினிக் குஞ்சொன்று கண்டேன்-அதை
அங்கொரு காட்டிலோர் பொந்திடை வைத்தேன்;
வெந்து தணிந்தது காடு;-தழல்
வீரத்தில் குஞ்சென்றும் மூப்பென்றும் உண்டோ?
தத்தரிகிட தத்ரிகிட தித்தோம்.i

These are the little sparks that can ignite an ocean of humanity. I now have hope that these sparks will change the world for women and thereby this humanity in the future.

உயிர்க ளிடத்தில்அன்பு வேணும்;-தெய்வம்
உண்மையென்று தானறிதல் வேணும்;
வயிர முடையநெஞ்சு வேணும்;-இது
வாழும் முறைமையடி பாப்பா!

Yes, that is what is need of the hour, today. We will need many such sparks to restore kindness and humanity. The little mercies that still happen everyday, is the living proof of those sparks. When we all unite and stand up for the RIGHT, Woman, as Goddess Durga, will rise and destroy all evil and restore peace. Woman, the epitome of patience and virtue!

My prayer of a century is still valid, in this Hevilimbi year; for, as humans, we still have a long way to go to attain world peace and prosperity, for the betterment of every little thing in this world leading to the progress of the wider environment and humanity!

மனதிலுறுதி வேண்டும்,
வாக்கினி லேயினிமை வேண்டும்;
நினைவு நல்லது வேண்டும்,
நெருங்கின பொருள் கைப்பட வேண்டும்;
கனவு மெய்ப்பட வேண்டும்,
கைவசமாவது விரைவில் வேண்டும்;
தனமும் இன்பமும் வேண்டும்,
தரணியிலே பெருமை வேண்டும்.
கண் திறந்திட வேண்டும்,
காரியத்தி லுறுதி வேண்டும்;
பெண் விடுதலை வேண்டும்,
பெரிய கடவுள் காக்க வேண்டும்,
மண் பயனுற வேண்டும்,
வானகமிங்கு தென்பட வேண்டும்;
உண்மை நின்றிட வேண்டும்.
ஓம் ஓம் ஓம் ஓம்

I, Bharathi…

Tamizh 2.0: 09 Beauty in Deceit (ஏமாறுவதும் ஏமாற்றுவதும் ஐதா)

I always feel happy. You know why?
Because I don’t expect anything from anyone.
Expectations always hurt.
Life is short; so love your life.
– William Shakespeare

Man is the only animal that kills for fancy! Not just for food… So, he is not ashamed to cheat someone for his own gains. This being said as the vices of human, man is also the only animal with the sixth sense – a sense to feel for others, restoring humanity. These are such stark contrasting qualities that define a human.

What is cheating and deceit?
Cheating: (verb) act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage, especially in a game or examination
Deceit: (noun) the action or practice of deceiving someone by concealing or misrepresenting the truth

When someone is being cheated it can also mean that they are being disappointed in someone or a situation – this could range from a simple dislike in a situation to being adulterous. Telling white lies to benefit someone is also a form of cheating and deceit. However, “white-lies usually have a positive outcome.

I have known Amit for quite sometime. Amit is a gem of a person that I respect a lot. Unfortunately, a few years ago, he was in a wrong marriage. His then wife broke the relation and moved on to fulfill her desires, after living with him for a year. Amit was so disappointed. He was very sad and he shared his unfortunate story to Rahul at his workplace, that he considered a friend, that he could confide in. In a social event that I attended, Rahul was having a ball of time making fun of Amit and how his wife dumped him. I was very certain that Rahul was adding colour to the story. I was very naive then and very disappointed in both Rahul (for this behaviour) and Amit (for having trusted Rahul and opening himself bare and being vulnerable to insults). When I had a chance I did have a chat with Amit regarding the incident and without naming anyone (as a did not want to spoil their relation, if any). The answer that Amit gave me is still very clear in my minds eye.

Amit told me, when someone lays himself bare trusting another person, it is his choice and that he would have to live by the consequences of that other person breaching that trust. There is always a price to pay. Amit then asked me, when a person has opened up to someone why is there an expectation that that person will not breach that trust? He explained that, if this expectation were not built, there would be no feeling of being cheated or of disappointment. How true is this statement. In all our relations, when we open up to someone, it is our choice and therefore we have to bear the burden of that cross. We cannot shirk away from our responsibility.

The other incident that happened to Karan was another eye opener for me. Karan lived in a condo with a roommate (Arjun). As Arjun was having financial difficulties Karan took care of the rental and living expenses. Arjun thanked Karan for helping out with his living expenses and promised that he would return the money he owed Karan as soon as he was able to find a stable job. As Arjun was s good friend, Karan was fine with the arrangement. Arjun found himself a decent job, but was not mentioning about repayment. When Karan asked about the funds, it was always the same answer “I will give you”. And one day, Arjun decided to move on his own, to another condo. Karan was in limbo, as Arjun did not settle the money he owed Karan. When Karan questioned, Arjun advised, “When it comes to money, you should part with only that portion of the funds that you are okay to lose. And not get yourself into a situation where you keep troubling others”.

As Karan was a good friend of mine, he was asking me for an advice on how to proceed in this situation. I said that the advice he got was absolutely right, as he should have stopped funding Arjun at an earlier stage when it was still okay to be at a loss. But now, he had to go along with Arjun and recover the funds slowly, if and when possible. It did take Karan a while to recover the funds. Though Karan was not cheated (per se), the mental stress that he had to undergo was enormous.

With the grey hairs and more maturity, I am able to analyze these two seemingly unconnected situations and see that the underlying fact holds good to both. If there was no “expectation” there was no “deceit”.

The fundamental cause of all miseries one has to face due to deceit is because of the fact that there is expectation. I would challenge everyone to have a self-reflection on situations where they have been cheated. One would realize that there was some expectation in all those situations. This could also be turned around and looked at from the point of view of the person cheating or is presumed (to be cheating). Once again, it is the expectation that does not match which causes all troubles – there is no proper communication between the parties or setting up of any expectation.

I am sure everyone would face this in all walks of life, including the work place. When the expectations do not match there is conflict; or in other words when the expectations are “nullified” there is no conflict.

In cases of white lies, there is no expectation between the parties. Or, maybe we can say that there is a faint expectation of a positive outcome, which certainly has a constructive overall effect.

Similarly, when you help someone for the sake of Humanity, there is no expectation whatsoever amongst all parties. That is certainly the reason why being Humane ranks high when it comes to satisfaction.

Returning to the original question, “Is there Beauty in Deceit?”, we can confidently say “YES” – there can be Beauty in Deceit when there is no “expectation” (the root cause of all despairs) and LIFE for one and all, will brim with positivity!

Peace begins when expectations end – Sri Chinmoy

Tamizh 2.0: 08 Zenith (எவரது வாழ்விலும் ஏற்றமாவது…)

What is considered as reaching the pinnacle, the zenith in ones life? What is happiness and success? These simple questions are the most intriguing ones, which trouble both the philosophers and the common man alike, with no right or wrong answers. Because, all these are in ones’ point of view and it is very dynamic.

Not only the point of view keeps changing, but also, the wants and needs and thereby, what is true one moment need not be at the next. Human, is that animal which is very difficult to satisfy. He is always in search for betterment. A person that is hungry searches for food. Once the hunger is satiated, he wants to have some money for the next meal, once he gets some, he wants more, then a good life, then some jewelry (materials), then a small hut for himself, that grows to a small house and then to a bungalow, then an even better life for the next generation, then, then, then… leading him deeper into the vicious circle. Is there an end to this?

As a poet once said, in this journey of life, the hungry searches for food; the unemployed for some employment, even a thief looked for an opportunity for a bigger heist. There is this continuous search in life, a search for the betterment. It is this search that ensures that Life Flows and not Stagnates. However, when this search breaks its banks, man becomes lost in this circle.

Why does man go on this search for betterment? If it is to gain happiness, what is happiness? If it is success, what is success? These questions will once again lead us into the same vicious circle and back to square one. There seems to be no end to this, in the materialistic world. To break away from this materialistic circle of life, one needs to look inwards. Then, they would realize that, as said in Bhagavad Gita, success and happiness is very ephemeral and is nothing but an illusion, a Maya.

I’m reminded of the story of the last wishes of Alexander the Great. On his death bed, Alexander summoned his army generals and told them his three ultimate wishes:

  1. The best doctors should carry his coffin… to demonstrate that in the face of death, even the best doctors in the world have no power to heal…
  2. The wealth he has accumulated (money, gold, precious stones) should be scattered along the procession to the cemetery… so that everybody sees that material wealth acquired on this earth, will stay on earth and it could not give him a new lease of life…
  3. His hands should be let loose, so they hang outside the coffin for all to see.. so that people understand that we come to this world empty handed and we leave this world empty handed after the most precious treasure of all is exhausted, and that is TIME, as it is limited.

When we give someone our time, we actually give a portion of our life that we will never take back.

One of the things that have helped me better myself (not achieve the zenith, as that is an never ending journey) is meditation. Meditation has helped with understanding that all are equal and attain balance and a higher level of tolerance.

As what Antoine de St Éxupery, says in his masterpiece “The Little Prince”,

  • The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they are felt with the heart.
  • It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.

In conclusion, we can clearly see that success and happiness lies in the present, the innumerable precious moments that makes this journey called life, wonderful. I can very convincingly say:

  • Happiness is when you are able to help another living being – doesn’t have to stop with just humans. The magnitude of help is always measured from the point of view of the recipient. What might be immaterial for one, might be Godly for another, at which point they would reach the Zenith
  • When your heart cries out for someone that is no way related to you, when you heart longs for peace for everyone, at that point you reach the Zenith.
  • When you stand up for someone when there is injustice, no matter who they are or what heir beliefs are, you reach the Zenith.
  • When you receive the blessing from unknown people, you reach the Zenith.
  • When every single person, starts treating every other person and each situation with a touch of Humanity, we can proudly say, we have reached the Zenith.

Tamizh 2.0: 07 Canada and India – a comparison (ஊணிடும் கனடாவும் எமதிந்தியாவும்)

On this cold snow day, I enjoyed watching the snowflakes falling slowly dancing lightly oh lightly, until reaching the ground. As the snowfall was heavy, it started accumulating on the sidewalks and on the road. When the black tar roads turned white, I heard the plough trucks go by on the main road clearing the snow. There was a clear black path, in contrast to the dense white sides.

The weatherman in the radio station NEWS 11:30 was taking about a lot of accumulation that was expected today. The traffic reporter was mentioning the umpteen accidents on the road and how treacherous the roads were today. He was asking people to stay indoors, unless they had to absolutely get on the road. Many were complaining about how the local municipalities were not cleaning the roads. And I was laughing – having my origin in India I was wondering what would these complainers do if they were in India, where a minor thundershower can cause major floods and power outages. How come these people are expecting so much from their municipalities.

This made me think of this week’s topic of comparing Canada and India and my thoughts drifted to strikes.

I clearly remember the transit union (coast mountain company) strike way back in the early 2000’s. This strike went on for a few weeks. That was the time when I didn’t have a car and was totally dependent on the public transit. Thinking about that strike now, I don’t think I was hassled in any way, as a layman, the common public. In the autumn of one year there was the city cleaners strike. There were dry fallen leaves everywhere – on the sidewalk and on the roads. Though many were complaining, I saw beauty in the fall colours. I should say, the main roads were still cleared of any debris. One year, the garbage collectors union had their strike, but still the garbage was collected, albeit in long intervals. There was a nurses union strike, the postal strike, telephone operations union strike, teachers union strike and even paramedics (911 service) strike.

We can see that, all these are the essential services to ensure that the city / town is running smoothly. In all these strikes, there was thing in common – the layman was not really affected. Though the frequency of the service was reduced, the general public was not completely hindered and things did not stop. There were no big commotions; it was always peaceful. There was always negotiations happening at the table between the union workers and the government; people worked hard, sometimes burning the midnight oil, to strike a deal.

One might say that these are bigger services and therefore it is ensured that the public is not hindered. Let us come to the many rallies and protest marches that happen throughout the year. All rallies are peaceful – the organizers of these rallies are always considering the general public and ensures that there are no incidents. Tamils in Vancouver would certainly remember the peaceful protest that was conducted in 2017 to show our support for Jallikattu. The only time I remember a riot happening in Vancouver was when the Canucks lost the Stanley Cup finals – the finals held in downtown Vancouver. The most amazing part of that riot was, everyone that was involved was eventually caught and judgement served.

Can we think of a peaceful protest / strike in India? If there is a “Bandh” how many public vehicles are burnt? How many shops are looted? How many people are injured? Do the crazy mob stop with just looting materials and vandalizing properties? How many women are raped? How many children affected – bandh being the reason for all.

I was in Bangalore airport recently on a Bharath Bandh day. I overheard the conversation between two ladies and the security at the airport. The ladies were in transit in the airport and wanted to leave the airport and go to the city as they had a layover of about 7 hours. The security guy, very casually mentioned that they were actually safer inside the airport than outside. What a pathetic situation!

I also remember the time when a man’s head was axed in Hyderabad in one of these Bandhs, long time ago. What wa the reason – just that he was there at the wrong place at the wrong time; a collateral damage. Is justice served in these barbaric instances? I would say no – these are hot news items for a day or two and then relegated to the back seat. The public also forgets and moves on; the bandh is done and dusted.

In India, if we have a problem, can we go to the police without fear? I doubt it. There are so many dreadful stories, that one does not like to enter a police station. In Canada, the police is truly there there protect the public, as their friend. You can approach a police for help anytime – no matter your colour, religion or ethnicity.

Snapping back to reality and the beautiful snowflakes, I felt a sense of true freedom and liberation when I realized that I was living in a country where everyone was treated equal; everyone was accountable for their actions; and humanity was at the zenith.

I was reminded of Rabindranath Tagore’s poem “Where the Mind is without fear”, for Canada, my adopted motherland, has truly awakened into that heaven of freedom.

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high
Where knowledge is free
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments
By narrow domestic walls
Where words come out from the depth of truth
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way
Into the dreary desert sand of dead habit
Where the mind is led forward by thee
Into ever-widening thought and action
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake!

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Tamizh 2.0: 07 Two Poles – Canada and India (ஊணிடும் கனடாவும் எமதிந்தியாவும்)

#vtw2_7

Canada and India are two countries that are completely opposite to each other, not only in their geographical location but also the vivid differences in everything. They are literally poles apart – இரு துருவங்கள்.

When someone passes away in India, there is mourning for 14 days in almost all communities. People continuously visit the house of the dead, inquiring about the incident, showing their concern and support to the people left behind by the dead. Though on one side there is celebration of the life of that person while on the other there is crying and drama (for an outsider), reciting of the life of this person (ஒப்பாரி) who is dead. The place is highly charges with emotions. The kith and kin of the dead person are not ashamed to show their feelings and tears. They cry and cry and eventually get to terms with the death, in the family – whether it is that of someone old or young.

When I arrived in Canada, a two score years ago, I noticed that people are not that emotional – or at least this was my initial understanding. It took me a while to grasp that people here, mourn and grieve in loneliness. Though they put up a stoic face in the presence of all around them, during the funeral, welcoming everyone with a hug and smile, they grieve on their own, when no one is seeing their tears. They bottle-up their feelings to present that brave face.

Having lived in both the cultures, it is my conclusion that it is better to just let go of the emotions, so that one can move on. When one does not show their sentiments, it can lead to mental stress and other related disorders.

While there is a great support system in India, am sure people that have lived in the west would agree that most of the times, it goes overboard – as the proverb goes, anything in abundance can be poisonous. Everyone interferes with everything in your life. They are so interested in knowing what happens in your life, where you work, what your designation is; some even blatantly ask how much you make for a living. Most of the time it feels that you are living your life based on how others want you to live. It is always what your near and far want you to do – be it your relatives, friends, workspace. There is a perpetual feeling of suffocation, as you are being judged constantly and you are expected to live up to everyone’s expectations.

Landing in Canada, it would be untrue if I did not say that, the first thing I enjoyed was the sense of complete freedom, being able to have my space. Yes, here you have your personal space. This space is there in any relationship – be it parents and kids or with friends or at work. Everyone respects this space and is cautious of not getting into it. Sometimes this space is maintained to the extent that it feels that people don’t care about anyone else, except themselves – there is a WIIFM (What’s In IT For Me) in everything.

However, that is not true – if someone is in danger, they do stand up, even in the day-to-day lives; there are the everyday heroes. Like the young man who recently stood up to protect a young Muslim girl in the public transport when she was assaulted or that random bus driver that came to help me when I met with an accident a few years ago. Each one of us can certainly relate to a number of instances where we see these everyday HEROES.

Detached Attachment – the concept, where you are into everything, without overpowering anything. People are listening and are willing to help as and when required, without expecting anything return; giving everyone the time and space; making it an ideal.

The two poles, east and west, India and Canada – certainly with a lot of differences, but the one thing that is common, that is interwoven in the day-to-day reality, be it the support or the random acts of kindness, is HUMANITY, to which this world owes its existence to – India or Canada!

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And now a portion in Tamil…

இந்தியாவில், யாரேனும் இறந்தால் அவர்களது நெருங்கிய உறவினர் 14 நாட்களேனும் துயரம் கொண்டாடுவர் இது எல்லா ஜாதி மதத்தை சேர்ந்தவரும் பொதுவாக கடைப்பிடிப்பார். அந்த 14 நாட்களும் நண்பர்கள் மற்றும் உறவினர்கள் இறந்தவரின் வீட்டிற்குச்சென்று எல்லோருக்கும் ஆறுதலாக பேசுவார்கள். ஒருபுறம் இறந்தவரின் வாழ்க்கையை புகழ்ந்து பேசினால் மறுபுறம் ஒப்பாரியும் வைப்பார். இழவு நடந்த வீடே உணர்ச்சிகளின் உட்சத்தில் இருக்கும். உற்றார் உறவினர் துயரத்தை வெளிப்படுத்த தயங்கமாட்டார். அழுது புலம்பி, தங்களது மனதை திடப்படுத்தி, தயரத்திலிருந்து மீண்டு வருவர்.

கனடாவில் வாழும் மக்களுக்கு உணர்வுகளே இல்லை – இதுதான் எனது முதல் கணிப்பு. சில வருடங்கள் கழிந்த பிறகு, இவர்கள் இங்கு தனித்தே தங்களது துயரத்தை எதிர்கொள்கின்றனர் என்றுணர்ந்தேன். பொது இடத்தில் மன வலிமையை காட்டினாலும், தங்கள் கண்ணீரை தனிமையில் உதிர்க்கின்றனர்.

இரு கலாச்சாரத்திலும் இருந்தமையால், எல்லோரும் தமது உணர்ச்சிகளை வெளிப்படுத்த வேண்டும் என்றே கூறுவேன். அதுவும் துயரத்தை மூடிவைத்தால் மற்ற மனச்சம்பந்த விளைவுகளை எதிர்கொள்ள நேரிடும்.