Tamizh 2.0: 09 Beauty in Deceit (ஏமாறுவதும் ஏமாற்றுவதும் ஐதா)

I always feel happy. You know why?
Because I don’t expect anything from anyone.
Expectations always hurt.
Life is short; so love your life.
– William Shakespeare

Man is the only animal that kills for fancy! Not just for food… So, he is not ashamed to cheat someone for his own gains. This being said as the vices of human, man is also the only animal with the sixth sense – a sense to feel for others, restoring humanity. These are such stark contrasting qualities that define a human.

What is cheating and deceit?
Cheating: (verb) act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage, especially in a game or examination
Deceit: (noun) the action or practice of deceiving someone by concealing or misrepresenting the truth

When someone is being cheated it can also mean that they are being disappointed in someone or a situation – this could range from a simple dislike in a situation to being adulterous. Telling white lies to benefit someone is also a form of cheating and deceit. However, “white-lies usually have a positive outcome.

I have known Amit for quite sometime. Amit is a gem of a person that I respect a lot. Unfortunately, a few years ago, he was in a wrong marriage. His then wife broke the relation and moved on to fulfill her desires, after living with him for a year. Amit was so disappointed. He was very sad and he shared his unfortunate story to Rahul at his workplace, that he considered a friend, that he could confide in. In a social event that I attended, Rahul was having a ball of time making fun of Amit and how his wife dumped him. I was very certain that Rahul was adding colour to the story. I was very naive then and very disappointed in both Rahul (for this behaviour) and Amit (for having trusted Rahul and opening himself bare and being vulnerable to insults). When I had a chance I did have a chat with Amit regarding the incident and without naming anyone (as a did not want to spoil their relation, if any). The answer that Amit gave me is still very clear in my minds eye.

Amit told me, when someone lays himself bare trusting another person, it is his choice and that he would have to live by the consequences of that other person breaching that trust. There is always a price to pay. Amit then asked me, when a person has opened up to someone why is there an expectation that that person will not breach that trust? He explained that, if this expectation were not built, there would be no feeling of being cheated or of disappointment. How true is this statement. In all our relations, when we open up to someone, it is our choice and therefore we have to bear the burden of that cross. We cannot shirk away from our responsibility.

The other incident that happened to Karan was another eye opener for me. Karan lived in a condo with a roommate (Arjun). As Arjun was having financial difficulties Karan took care of the rental and living expenses. Arjun thanked Karan for helping out with his living expenses and promised that he would return the money he owed Karan as soon as he was able to find a stable job. As Arjun was s good friend, Karan was fine with the arrangement. Arjun found himself a decent job, but was not mentioning about repayment. When Karan asked about the funds, it was always the same answer “I will give you”. And one day, Arjun decided to move on his own, to another condo. Karan was in limbo, as Arjun did not settle the money he owed Karan. When Karan questioned, Arjun advised, “When it comes to money, you should part with only that portion of the funds that you are okay to lose. And not get yourself into a situation where you keep troubling others”.

As Karan was a good friend of mine, he was asking me for an advice on how to proceed in this situation. I said that the advice he got was absolutely right, as he should have stopped funding Arjun at an earlier stage when it was still okay to be at a loss. But now, he had to go along with Arjun and recover the funds slowly, if and when possible. It did take Karan a while to recover the funds. Though Karan was not cheated (per se), the mental stress that he had to undergo was enormous.

With the grey hairs and more maturity, I am able to analyze these two seemingly unconnected situations and see that the underlying fact holds good to both. If there was no “expectation” there was no “deceit”.

The fundamental cause of all miseries one has to face due to deceit is because of the fact that there is expectation. I would challenge everyone to have a self-reflection on situations where they have been cheated. One would realize that there was some expectation in all those situations. This could also be turned around and looked at from the point of view of the person cheating or is presumed (to be cheating). Once again, it is the expectation that does not match which causes all troubles – there is no proper communication between the parties or setting up of any expectation.

I am sure everyone would face this in all walks of life, including the work place. When the expectations do not match there is conflict; or in other words when the expectations are “nullified” there is no conflict.

In cases of white lies, there is no expectation between the parties. Or, maybe we can say that there is a faint expectation of a positive outcome, which certainly has a constructive overall effect.

Similarly, when you help someone for the sake of Humanity, there is no expectation whatsoever amongst all parties. That is certainly the reason why being Humane ranks high when it comes to satisfaction.

Returning to the original question, “Is there Beauty in Deceit?”, we can confidently say “YES” – there can be Beauty in Deceit when there is no “expectation” (the root cause of all despairs) and LIFE for one and all, will brim with positivity!

Peace begins when expectations end – Sri Chinmoy